Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
