im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
