Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
