Taylor Swift is so right about you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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