twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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