currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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