i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
