Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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