Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
