we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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