His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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