Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
