Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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