The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
