Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
