I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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