STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
