I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
