Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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