3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Dicks are not precious.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
