it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize