Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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