i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
