Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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