He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
