I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
