So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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