What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
