I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
