i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
