you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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