We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
