I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
