I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
