if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
