so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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