I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
