My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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