i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
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As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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