Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
