he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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