btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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