Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize