Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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