I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
