I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
