2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
