i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
