he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
