he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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