Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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