My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
