i used baking grease as lip gloss
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
