you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
