Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i need some magic done to my vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
