All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So vagazzling was a success
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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