Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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