well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
