Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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