I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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