Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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