Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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