does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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