and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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