we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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