Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize