thus making me awesome and them whores
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
