I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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